Step 9

I just noticed that it has been more than a week since I posted my last blog post. I could provide you with plenty of tired excuses and some actual reasons for why I haven’t posted, but I know you don’t want to hear that. I have been inconsiderate of your role as faithful reader and have not done my part as faithful blogger. You have every reason and right to feel betrayed by my actions and I don’t want to disregard your feelings with an insincere mumbled apology. As an alcoholic, I know my apologies have become nothing but empty promises designed to build up false hope.

I am a flawed human being and I can’t guarantee I won’t let you down again. All I can tell you is that I have examined myself and discovered certain fears that have affected my actions in this relationship. Namely, I have been afraid that whatever I write will not be good enough and my insecurity is such that I feel this will lead you to believe that I am not good enough. I am working to correct this flawed rationale and I would love an opportunity to show you who I am when I am not ruled by my fears and insecurities.

And that’s how that’s done. Or at least a simple example, thereof. In “How it Works,” it says that “at some of [these steps] we balked.” Step 9 is the huge balking steps. It’s the one that makes people unwilling to write out a 4th step inventory because they think it means they’ve got to go kiss ass to everyone on their grudge list. Uhm, no. Please, please, please! If with nothing else, then at least with amends, please listen to your sponsor. I have made some exceptionally stupid “amends” in an effort to cut corners and allay my guilt. I even went to the jail to tell my then husband that I slept with his brother. Trust me, there are very, very, very bad amends.

Page 83 says, “We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God’s people we stand on our feet; we don’t crawl before anyone.” Those of us who need to make amends to harms related to people pleasing find that these amends are often quite the opposite of apologies. I’ve had to make amends where I’ve very politely informed someone that I will no longer be subservient to them.

Most importantly, we have to follow up our words with action. We admit our mistakes and voice our intentions, but if we don’t continue forward in the relationship with a new attitude and new actions, then nothing has changed. In step 9, we practice the new life which the program provides us and we actually become the person God intends us to be.

“Fools make fun of guilt, but the godly acknowledge it and seek reconciliation.” Proverbs 14:9

Advertisements

Tags: , , , , , , ,

One response to “Step 9”

  1. carrythemessage says :

    I loved that intro…lol.

    Amends…yes! A balking step if there is ever one. And hey, I am no different. I am in the last few amends, and I have balked on a few. I know I have stalled, and have stalled before and gotten off my ass to get the next batch done. This last batch are probably some of the harder ones (i have had hard ones, but this is the final stretch) Plus some of these ones are ones who I don’t know where they are, etc. But I can say that all the ones I have done so far have been amazing. Freeing. Life saving, if you will. Being able to look the world (or at least a lot more people) in the eye. To not be looking over my back, or playing things over and over in my head, etc. And to do this and then realize it wasn’t all that big a deal. some are, but in the end…not a big deal. What freedom…I love this step. this is where rubber hits the road, literally, and the first time I have to get off my couch to work a step…lol. This is where reality hits and I realize “hell, my drinking did a lot of damage, my lifestyle and old thoughts and way of life hurt a lot of people” – this is the real deal!

    Thank you for sharing this – I wish that those who haven’t done amends realize how wonderful they are…once you get past the fear 🙂

    Blessings,
    Paul

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Sociological Fragments

A blog offering excerpts of sociology-related texts.

"...write this..."

Reflections of a Preacher-Poet

roymartinministries

The Addict's Devotional

Queen of Free

Save Money & Slay Debt

A Walk on the Wild Side

For those who love addicts

365reasons2sober

My blog to help me stop drinking.

What...Me Sober?

Stumbling along the Middle Path, one day at a time.

As if, Emily.

Diary of a teenage hedonist.

themiracleisaroundthecorner

There are no coincidences.

The Zombies Ate My Brains

Rescuing what might remain of the grey matter.

Mished-up

Mixed-up, Mashed-up, Mished-up.

Guapola

Crazy is relative. Just ask my relatives. And music!

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

A Life Less Agitated...

Journeys, adventures, life, death, and finding my way

The Beggar's Bakery

"Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where he found bread" - D. T. Niles

wonderfulshantelle

Another Kind of Perfect

unpickled.wordpress.com/

How I Secretly Quit My Secret Habit of Secretly Drinking

A Soul's Walk

Every day a soul must walk

Laurie Works

MA., NCC, RYT, Somatic Witch

My Healing Recovery

Healing from the inside

The Sober Journalist

A blog about quietly getting sober

Sober Courage

from liquid courage to sober courage

Sober Grace

Finding and practicing grace in recovery

My Story

A Place to be Mindful a Place to Heal

TRUDGING THROUGH THE FIRE

-Postcards from The Cauldron

Momastery

...all those things we don't talk about in polite society

Mended Musings

Healing, Feeling, Thriving

Jack's BED

And Jill came tumbling after...

As Jim Sees It

These are things I've learned staying Sober.

recoverymaldives

Memoir of a Maldivian drug addict in recovery

turkeyboneheaven

Survivor of Child Abuse - Member in Recovery

Expatriation was easier as a broke college student

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

borough of lost boys

creative non-fiction. pursuit of truth.

Friending Myself

A sobering journey to greater love. For me. By me.

Sober Identity

#Life Coach #50+ Years #Striving #Thriving #Emerge: Growing From Addiction-Starter's Guide" #AfterRehabCoaching

Life Corked

Living Life One Day At A Time

Dorothy Recovers

An evolving tale of a new life in recovery

oncenaddict.org

A Place for Those Affected by Addiction

%d bloggers like this: