You have GOT to be kidding me!
I need to do a little resentment journaling before my head explodes and I haven’t checked in with y’all in a bit, so I’m going to go ahead and jot this down here. Please feel free to give me the “Get over your whiny bullshit” feedback that I deserve. Please, also, forgive any grammatical, spelling, language or context oddities. This is stream of consciousness kind of stuff and I am not going to go back through and edit anything.
First off, gratitude, because I know that’s what I need more than anything else right now:
1. At the end of the summer, barring my doing anything really stupid like knocking the shit out of one of my professors, I will be through with all those bullshit courses needed to fulfill core requirements. Bigtime woot right there!
2. Also, at the end of the summer (or actually in just a week, I do believe), barring my doing anything really stupid like barging into her office and making a huge friggin’ scene, I will have earned my Associates degree (Yeah, I had to go ahead and get the AA 😉 )
3. So long as I don’t commit some sort of heinous felony which will land my ass in jail over the next few days, I will have completed this insanely hectic semester with a 4.0. Super awesomeness!
4. I have met two fantastic professors who I will most likely be working very closely with over the next five years.
5. I have established myself as teacher’s pet with both of them. (Because that’s how I roll)
6. I got really good news tonight regarding my son’s desire to come live with me. <-that, right there, is program in action… and a whole lot of patience and tolerance.
7. My kids are not here right now to see me flipping out.
8. Therefore they’re not here to have me snapping at them and I will not have to try to smooth things over with them later.
9. When I stop and breathe and look at all the blessings in my life, I can put things into perspective. (and stop gritting my teeth)
10. I just picked up 6 year chips at two of the groups which have profoundly shaped my program and fundamentally transformed my life. (and I get to pick up a third on Tuesday 🙂 )
:: deep breath ::
Alrighty, then, perhaps I can continue with far less foul language than I would have otherwise. Too, the need to write my angst has significantly subsided. Ain’t it great the way gratitude lists work?
The truth of the matter is I’m tired. I am really just very mentally exhausted. Over the past 5 weeks, I have processed so much information that most of it doesn’t even make sense anymore. It’s all this big blob of facts and statistics and analyses and processes. I went into this semester with a few very reasonable expectations. 1. I knew this was going to be a very rough semester and that I would have to work very hard to keep up. I have done so. 2. When the semester was over, the classes would end. Apparently, not so much. 3. I would enjoy these last two classes needed to complete my core requirements. Yes and no.
Intro to Social Research is awesome. It is why I am in school and what I want to do with my life. Physical Anthropology is very though-provoking and my professor is hilarious. The taxonomy of all the human ancestors is mind-numbingly awful, but aside from that, it has been highly enjoyable. Dance Appreciation has been an absolute nightmare. I fully admit that I went into this class expecting it to be… well, appreciation of dance – in much the same way that art appreciation is the appreciation of art and music appreciation is the appreciation of music. 1st mistake. I also fully admit that I went into this class expecting it to be fun and enjoyable as I absolutely love to appreciate dance. 2nd mistake. And, foolish me, I actually believed that when everything posted everywhere regarding summer class schedule states that the last day of classes is July 8th, then the 8th would be the last day of classes. 3rd mistake.
Yes, I complained when I had to spend the last three weekends writing 3-5 page, single-spaced, in no larger than 11 font, papers which had to be researched, compiled and written in no more than 3 days time. That was within the logical purview of standard curriculum (barely), though, so I accepted it. Yes, I complained when I had to participate in online discussions with my brain-dead classmates and got points marked off if I did not go back to each (anywhere between 4 & 10 each week) and post responses to their inane ramblings. Okay, yes, I know I’m being all “Oh, I’m so much smarter than everyone else,” but honest to God, I was the only one in the class who understood what bilingualism meant. And we live in SAN ANTONIO! There really isn’t a more bilingual city than this one (Okay, there may be a few, but we’re really high up there). Likewise, did I complain when I had to do group projects with these same brain-dead classmates who could not figure out how to post, or even look at, the proper discussion boards. I understand fully that I am not a team player. I don’t like any portion of my grades to be dependent upon another less dedicated student. Still, this was all within the scope of reasonable classwork (albeit just at the edge of reasonableness).
But, SERIOUSLY! When the last day of classes is the 8th and all finals are taken on the 9th or 10th, you can NOT assign us a whole week’s worth of work on the 6th and refuse to open up the final until the 11th! I understand that your excuse is that you are graciously giving us until the 14th to complete all our work, but the semester is over on the 10th! And you have assigned us more discussions and group work, therefore if my classmates don’t want to take the extra time (as if), then NO, I can NOT actually complete anything by the 10th! I do not want, nor should I be expected to continue coursework after the course has finished. I do not find that to be an unreasonable expectation at all!
But if I make a big stink about it, there will be negative consequences. I have put in a note to an advisor asking for clarification regarding what is allowable and I have questioned my professor as to the purpose of the extra week. Aside from that, anything I do will most likely cost me my A and possibly have greater detrimental effects.
I CAN do the work and I WILL do it well. I am just really, really tired of this class and I am ready for it to be over, already. I am frustrated and annoyed, but it’s really just a minor inconvenience in the larger scheme of things. Once it’s over, I’ll never have to deal with this woman again. Heh. And my bellybutton birthday is the 14th (her arbitrarily appointed new last day of class), so how’s that for a nice present! I don’t even have to go back to my Sociology class this week since my take-home final is to be submitted by email. And for Antrhopology, I’ve just got the final and a little extra credit movie analysis to type up (yeah, I did the extra credit assignment not because I needed it at all, but in an effort to procrastinate from doing my Dance homework). I’ll have plenty of time to finish up the extra week of Dance and even get some decent rest. I’m sure it’s a blessing in disguise, regardless of whether I find the disguise appealing.
So, yeah, get over yourself, Laurie. You really aren’t the smartest person in the room and even if you are, she’s still the professor and she still has the power to flunk your ass, so chill. And write more gratitude lists.