Today Was a Good Day

There are no bad days in recovery. There are only good days and great days. The good days are when everything is going just fine and you stay sober. The great days are when everything is for shit and you still stay sober.

I’ve had a lot of good days lately. At least a month’s worth. I’m getting settled into the new semester pretty well. It’s difficult and it’s a whole lot more work than I’m used to doing, but it’s work that I love. The other night, I was engrossed in reading a textbook about research methods and felt this warmth radiate from inside me. At that moment, Johnny Depp could’ve walked in buck ass naked & I would’ve said, “Hon, I’m sorry, but I just can’t right now. I am busy doing exactly what I want to be doing.” I can’t ever remember a feeling quite like that before – where everything just felt completely perfect.

I have been overwhelmed and loving it. I am thinking more clearly. I have been reaching out to people who intimidate me and have been connecting with them on a personal level. I am starting to discover where I fit… and I almost feel sort of comfortable there. A lot of the fears I have had about school have really subsided and I am feeling more confident. I have made a regular habit of a meeting that I love and have dug into some serious Big Book and Bible studies. I’ve been working on this wonderful post for GD&T that has all these amazing references in it, but it’s gotten way out of hand. I need to work on focusing it better to make sure I am actually saying what I am trying to say. The point is, I am digging into life in a way I haven’t in a very long time. I am feeling LOVE. My sponsor talks about shooting love out her fingers to the rest of the world (I know it sounds weird. Just go with it). I actually feel like I can do that right now; like it’s just building up inside of me so much that it has to come bursting out all over the place.Good days. Very, very good days.

fb_img_1484964640898So today was the closest I’ve had to a great day in a very long time and it really hurt. I was tending to some business that I’ve kind of put off a bit and I got a little shock at the reality of how much trouble this situation is going to cause me. The full extent and the nature of this trouble is quite frustrating. I had to endure abuse that was completely uncalled for. I understand why I was treated the way I was today… as in, I can comprehend the psychological rationale behind the behavior. And I understand that whatever happens to me or what someone says about me is no reflection of who I really am. Therefore, I could preserve my pride and logically assert that I was not troubled by the way I was treated today. Head and heart are two completely different creatures, though. And I was reminded of why I had put off this bit of business for this long. I have not wanted to go there because I have shut the door to that sort of abuse and it feels so good to be free of it. It feels good to actually realize who I am when I allow someone who loves me to define who I really am. Me. I don’t have to listen to anyone else anymore telling me who I am or what I have to do. And so I have only listened to those voices which have loved and supported me. And I have felt loved. And I have felt supported.

And so when I so badly wanted to put this troubling situation on blast, I didn’t. Because that’s not who I am. That is not my character. I told my sponsor. I told another alcoholic. And I told a close friend who is a “normie” (so far as those people exist). I went to a meeting. I wrote. I cried. And I let those who love me, love me. And I smile… because if this is the extent to what my “great” days look like right now, then damn, my life is blessed!

I will continue to occasionally encounter those who will not let their demons die. And I will have those days when one or two of mine pop back up and try to control me. But today, I don’t have to listen to any of that crap. I can make better choices. I can choose to listen to the voice of Truth, to the voice of Love and Light, to that still, small voice inside of me who knows my true worth. I was reminded today that I have choices, and that where my life has been heading lately is a direct result of making positive choices for myself.

Today was a good day.

Advertisements

2 responses to “Today Was a Good Day”

  1. Paul S says :

    Laurie! I have missed your writing!
    You made me laugh with the Johnny Depp reference there…ha!
    Anyway, I love what you said about the good and the great days – I need to use that! And wow does it seem you are even more grounded into yourself and the universe. I could feel it in your words. I can see just how you are deepening yourself into your skin and I think it’s marvelous. I look forward to getting into that level. Thank you for this.

    Sorry you had to go through that event, but it sounds like you came out of it with dignity and grace.

    Blessings,
    Paul

  2. Laurie G. says :

    I like the imagery associated with your words. I do kind of feel like I’ve finally found something solid. I am feeling more “me,” more “now.” I am feeling my feelings much more significantly, for better or for worse. It feels like early spring in the woods and I’m clearing away the mulchy autumn leaves left behind to find that my tree has taken root and is ready to grow.

    Sometimes forest fires have to come through and clear out the underbrush so that new growth can occur. These trees may be scarred, but they are no longer being strangled by those things which would inhibit their potential.

    Thanks for your words. I feel wonderful. ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Sociological Fragments

A blog offering excerpts of sociology-related texts.

"...write this..."

Reflections of a Preacher-Poet

roymartinministries

The Addict's Devotional

Queen of Free

Save Money & Slay Debt

A Walk on the Wild Side

For those who love addicts

365reasons2sober

My blog to help me stop drinking.

What...Me Sober?

Stumbling along the Middle Path, one day at a time.

As if, Emily.

Diary of a teenage hedonist.

themiracleisaroundthecorner

There are no coincidences.

The Zombies Ate My Brains

Rescuing what might remain of the grey matter.

Mished-up

Mixed-up, Mashed-up, Mished-up.

Guapola

Crazy is relative. Just ask my relatives. And music!

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

A Life Less Agitated...

Journeys, adventures, life, death, and finding my way

The Beggar's Bakery

"Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where he found bread" - D. T. Niles

wonderfulshantelle

Another Kind of Perfect

unpickled.wordpress.com/

How I Secretly Quit My Secret Habit of Secretly Drinking

A Soul's Walk

Every day a soul must walk

Laurie Works

MA., NCC, RYT, Somatic Witch

My Healing Recovery

Healing from the inside

The Sober Journalist

A blog about quietly getting sober

Sober Courage

from liquid courage to sober courage

Sober Grace

Finding and practicing grace in recovery

My Story

A Place to be Mindful a Place to Heal

TRUDGING THROUGH THE FIRE

-Postcards from The Cauldron

Momastery

...all those things we don't talk about in polite society

Mended Musings

Healing, Feeling, Thriving

Jack's BED

And Jill came tumbling after...

As Jim Sees It

These are things I've learned staying Sober.

recoverymaldives

Memoir of a Maldivian drug addict in recovery

turkeyboneheaven

Survivor of Child Abuse - Member in Recovery

Expatriation was easier as a broke college student

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

borough of lost boys

creative non-fiction. pursuit of truth.

Friending Myself

A sobering journey to greater love. For me. By me.

Sober Identity

#Life Coach #50+ Years #Striving #Thriving #Emerge: Growing From Addiction-Starter's Guide" #AfterRehabCoaching

Life Corked

Living Life One Day At A Time

Dorothy Recovers

An evolving tale of a new life in recovery

oncenaddict.org

A Place for Those Affected by Addiction

%d bloggers like this: